Friday, February 19, 2010

One last thing about Valentine's Day

I can't move on from Valentine's Day without preserving in history one last little, but significant, moment from this year. It was 17 years ago this Valentine's Day that Rich first told me he loved me. And it was 15 years ago this Valentine's Day that Rich first forgot to do anything for me. I was patient at first, but after three days had passed with nothing--not even a card--I got mad. I accused him of never forgetting Secretaries' Day but of forgetting his own eternal companion. In hindsight, he was undoubtedly overwhelmed by grad school, baby twins, and his part in starting a new company, and I was too sensitive about my own feelings and not sensitive enough to his. But, being still newly married, I took it personally.

This year, when I was out running errands the day before Valentine's Day, I bought myself a little something for him to give to me. He almost always remembers holidays now, but we had been unusually busy this year, so I thought I would help him out. I brought my little self-purchased treat home and presented it to him, and he thanked me for being understanding.

On Valentine's Day morning, Rich got up while I was taking a shower. He told me he had a little something for me, which I could see sticking out from beneath my towel. It sure didn't look like the treat I had bought myself. It wasn't! He had gotten me a box of See's Candy, my absolutely favorite candy in the whole world. He had even paid full price! When a trained accountant pays full price for something, then you know he really loves you.

So I guess we have both learned a few things over the years. Somewhere along the way, I stopped getting my feelings hurt and learned to give him the benefit of the doubt that, while he really does love me, he just doesn't show his love by making a big deal about insignificant holidays. And somewhere along the way, he learned that, even though something isn't important to him, it probably is to me, and he should make it a priority just in case. : ) I guess we are both getting a little better at this marriage thing!!

2 comments:

Afton said...

I love this! I too have learned not to take things too personally. It helped reading the book, "Five Love Languages."

Liz said...

This great story reminds me of Pargie's mom saying that she always buys herself something for Christmas. I decided somewhere along the line that it would be just as well, if there were ever something I really wanted, to buy it for myself and ease the pressure from my list of expectations for Lane. It has worked out much better that way: when he gets me a gift, I can give all of my appreciation to him without any unmet expectations or self-centered disappointment!