All we need is love

Yesterday, Beth attended a long birthday party. We dropped her off at 12:30, and her ride did not bring her home until 5:30. Right around that same time, Rich left to attend a temple session. I hadn't been feeling great, so I was a little crabby when Beth began moaning and groaning to me about what a hard day it had been for her. I had asked her to finish her chores while I made dinner. She immediately started to cry, saying how everyone had so much fun and she never had any fun. The rest of the family had been home all afternoon doing chores, so I reminded her how we had all been working and that she needed to do her part without complaining. I felt impatient with how ungrateful she was and frustrated that I had to work so hard. As I heard her crying and complaining, I thought, "I don't know how Heavenly Father does it with all His children complaining and moaning about this or that to Him all the time." Then I remembered that I am one of the moaners. "I wonder if he ever just gets sick of me," I thought. As if to answer my question, the idea came to think about how my heavenly father responds to me when I come to Him upset or discouraged or with a problem. Almost without exception, when I pray about something that I am upset about, no matter how simple or insignificant it is, I feel loved, understood, listened to, encouraged, and validated. Suddenly, I realized that was what Beth needed. She needed me to just love her.

So I tried it. I stopped what I was doing for a moment, had her come to me, and I gave her a long hug. I told her how sorry I was that she felt tired and sad about her day. Then I asked her to tell me about what had happened that made her feel so sad, while I made dinner. So she began to tell me how the other girls at the party had left her out of some things, and how one girl in particular had told her she was bossy. This same girl had also called her another name during the party. She also felt disappointed that she didn't get to play with the birthday girl as much as she wanted. (This was all a good reminder to me that 5 hours is probably too long for that many little girls to be together!) I listened and tried to understand how she was feeling. I tried to validate her feelings. We talked for as long as she needed, while I made our dinner. It was amazing how quickly she cheered up and went off to do her chores.

Love. Kindness. Understanding. Validation. If only I could remember more that this is what my children are looking for. If only I could slow down before I minimize their feelings, and listen to them. That is how my heavenly father treats me. That is the kind of parent that I want to be more of the time.