No longer in the driver's seat

Katie and I went to Utah this weekend to attend the LDS Church Young Women General Broadcast in Salt Lake City. I thought this would be a great way for Katie to get some freeway driving time. She did most of the Nevada-driving, and she learned about how to handle a car in high winds. On the way there, she also took us into Salt Lake City, learning how to manage a busy freeway with road construction. She did a great job, and she actually drove more than I did.

Although I am looking forward to having two additional drivers at my disposal, it is actually nerve-wracking to teach a teenager to drive. You spend the first chunk of their lives as the driver. Then suddenly you find yourself on the passenger side of the car with no steering wheel and no brake pedal. You become the instructor, giving tips and encouragement, but you are really out of control of the decisions they make. All you can do is make suggestions about how to handle things, and then pray. You relax a little as they get better and time goes by. But then you tense up as they come up on heavy traffic or bad weather, anxious about how they will handle something new and unable to do anything about it except give a few tips and clench your hands. At one point, after Katie was tired of driving, I got back behind the wheel. It felt so good! I was back in control! But I couldn't stay there because this was her chance to learn. This was her chance to experience some hard driving situations with an adult around as a safety net. I knew someday soon she would be driving on her own, and she needed the practice. So I got back on the other side of the car.

It occurred to me some where along I-80 that teaching a teenager to drive is not unlike parenting a teenager. For so long, you make most of the decisions as the parent. Then suddenly, you climb into the passenger side--no steering wheel, no brake--and you become more of an observer rather than the driver of their lives. You can encourage and give tips. And you can pray. If you get mad when they make mistakes, it doesn't seem to help and maybe even seems to make things worse. But boy is it hard not to do! They are the drivers now. And you tense up as you see them face something new, worried about how they will handle it. But you have to let them make some decisions and handle some things on their own. This is their chance to face some hard life situations with the safety net of parents around in case they need help. Someday soon they will be on their own, and they need the practice. So you try to stay on the other side of the car.

Maybe all this is why so many parents warn about the teenage years. The problem is that, although you can't control the car, you know how dangerous driving is. You don't want them to get hurt. It's so hard to give up control and to trust them. And your life is at risk, too!