Today I was tired from working so hard last week on a Sunday School lesson. I estimated that I spent 12 hours preparing for a lesson on Matthew 5. You see, I teach Gospel Doctrine, and the Temple President, the Stake President, and the previous Stake President, plus any number of ex-Bishops, can be found in our ward on any given week.
That makes me a little nervous.
So I spent hours looking up cross-references in the scriptures and studying commentary from various sources. I spent about two hours each day, Monday through Saturday. That is all my spare time, the time I usually exercise and read and blog, the time I have to do things that make life fun and more than just a lot of work.
The lesson went well, and I think we all felt the Spirit and learned more about being a follower of Jesus Christ. But today I felt pretty worn out from the effort.
Then, this morning as I sat there feeling reluctant to dive into Matthew 6 for next week's lesson (which the team teacher will be handling, thankfully), I glanced at Matthew 5:48. "Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in Heaven is perfect."
What does it mean to be perfect?
I did my best to prepare
perfectly for my lesson yesterday. As a mother, I try to do everything just right so that my efforts will prepare our children to be adults and to be independent. I try to be perfect as I serve and work and take care of all these bodies and juggle all the demands of life.
But am I trying to perfect myself or am I allowing myself to become perfect in Christ?
It's a fine line that divides the need for individual effort versus the need for faith. However, I read a verse this morning that helped me see things differently.
D&C 121:35 ...their hearts are set so much upon the things of this world and aspire to the honors of men...
Am I aspiring to the honors of men? Am I trying to become perfect on my own so that others will give me recognition? Did I work so hard on that Sunday school lesson because the Temple President might be there? Would I have worked as hard for a class of 15 year olds?
The answer is one of those gray areas of life--my motivations aren't completely focused on bringing honor to the Father, but they aren't completely focused on bringing honor to myself either. To have intentions that are free from selfish motive and concern probably takes more than this lifetime.
But the important question I asked myself is
who am I relying on?
When I am trying to perfect myself and relying more on my own efforts, then I quickly get impatient with my children for getting in the way of the things I want to get done. When I am depending more on Christ, then I am full of love for my children and I am patient and understanding and slower to react with anger when they don't fall in line with my plans for the day. I know He will somehow help me, and so I can trust that, although things might go more slowly, the important things will still get done.
When I am trying to perfect myself, I am impatient and hard on myself for my weaknesses and imperfections. I am also impatient and hard on those around me. When I am depending on Christ, then I am patient and kind and gentle with others when they make mistakes. I am also more kind and patient with myself. I recognize that change takes time and that we are all doing our best and that the Atonement is real. I see the big picture and am not in such a hurry for everyone to be just the way I want them to be, even myself.
When I am trying to perfect myself, I am focused on worldly things that will bring me the attention of others. When I am depending on Christ, I am focused on spiritual things that will bring me closer to Him and to my Father in Heaven. I feel the Spirit and want to feel it more and care less about things that don't matter eternally.
So how do I stay more focused and dependent on Christ? It all seems to come back to having the Holy Ghost as a companion each day by doing those simple things that the Prophet asks us to do--pray, study, ponder, attend the temple. It also comes from turning my burdens to the Lord in prayer and asking for His help and then trusting that He will give it.
One thing I also realized through this contemplation is that Heavenly Father knows I can't put 12 hours into preparing a Sunday School lesson every week. He doesn't expect me to give up all my spare time and the things I enjoy doing, even for something as worthwhile as service and scripture study. He doesn't expect me to try to perfect myself and rely on my own efforts in order to have successful, uplifting lessons.
He knows who comes to that class. He also knows how much I have to do each day. He just expects me to do the best that I can each week, ask for His help, and then rely on the perfecting power and mercy of the Savior and His Atonement. Then the Sunday School lessons will take care of themselves, and I will still get to exercise and read and blog a little. And maybe I won't be quite so worn out on Monday morning.
