Awkward moments in parenting

Pretty much everyone in our family knows that we are "trying" to have another baby. To be honest, that word "trying" makes me uncomfortable, partly because the implications are a little embarrassing and partly because it causes people to make untrue assumptions. What "trying" means around our house is that we are not using birth control. Unfortunately, our entire life style--having eight children--is a very effective form of birth control. My guess is that people who aren't "trying" are more likely than we are to have a baby in the near future, especially now that we are back to school and fall sports.

Recently, one of my male family members (who shall remain nameless so that I can defend myself against the claim that I tell everyone everything) asked me if a woman ovulates when she is having her period. I spent a little time explaining about the menstrual cycle and how ovulation usually falls 14 days after the beginning of a woman's period.

Then he asked, "When you are ovulating, do you guys try every day to get pregnant?"

Uh. . .

So how would you answer that question?

I'll bet many parents, and probably all dads, would respond with "That's none of your darn business!"

That was my knee jerk reaction, to be honest. But I have a couple of good friends involved in family counseling. They have each explained to me that older children need to understand how the intimate marital relationship is something to look forward to, not be embarrassed about, and that, as they show self-control, they will be able to enjoy all these things later, all with no guilt, if they keep the commandments now.

I saw this as a potential teaching moment. An awkward teaching moment, but a powerful one.

So I was honest. I responded with a big smile, "Well, we don't 'try' every day because we have eight children and and can't seem to get any privacy." Then I explained that most people with smaller families would try every day during that time of the month but that we can still get pregnant because sperm hang around for 3-5 days after intercourse. Which means it really only takes one attempt. Then we talked about the difference between male and female sperm, etc, etc, etc, finally leaving the very personal topic of Rich and I.

Several other family members were in the room, so I took the opportunity to announce how great it is to be married and how they have a wonderful physical relationship to look forward to, made even better if they will show self-control now.

Through the whole exchange, I noticed Rich stayed noticeably absent, hiding out in the kitchen. He was probably thinking, "That's none of their darn business!"

Were these questions motivated by real curiosity, or by raging hormones? Was this just a chance to talk about sex? Probably all of the above. But at least this child felt comfortable enough to talk about it at home. I can guarantee they hear plenty of talk at the school, and it's not about how wonderful married life is!